I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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