Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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