Kiss
Puke
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
