i was rollin on her like bob the builder
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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