Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Randomize
