ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
