Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
