Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize
