New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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