he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
