he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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