Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
