The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
