So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
