When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
