you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
