now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
