Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
there is glitter all over my balls
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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