He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
