Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
