I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
