omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
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