we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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