Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
