My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
