doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I wish there were birth control emojis
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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