I hope my margaritas pass through security.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
