In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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