I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
