I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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