we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
