So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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