I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
