I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
