I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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