According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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