I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You can't just leave with hair like that
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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