My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
