Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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