i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
