Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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