Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
