what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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