I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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