The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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