dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
