Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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