What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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