There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
