i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
