spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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