Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
