I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Green mimosas i think yes
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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