why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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