her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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