I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
