Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
