i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
