as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
